Crapper Politicians

This year’s election offers the worst slate of candidates we have had in over a hundred years. I thought it impossible for the Republicans to find a candidate that would make the She-Clinton look good. I was wrong. I put the full blame for this disaster on a German chemist who died in 1873 at the age of 69. This bloke was responsible for the invention which applied silver halide to the back of glass thus creating a reflecting device: the mirror. While purporting a genius effort, this was one of the worst inventions for mankind, allowing us to evolve to the likes of Clinton, Trump and most other heavy-duty politicians. The name of this scientist speaks volumes, and if I were to invent the name of the person that created the mirror I could not have come up with a better name. It’s absolutely perfect. His name was Justus von Liebig. I’m not kidding. What other name would be more appropriate for the most common tool of vanity. Lie Big. That brings me to point number 2. Thomas Crapper has been incorrectly credited with the invention of the flush toilet which is why we call it a Crapper. Though, he was responsible for several patented improvements. To this day we honor his ingenuity with the phrase, “I’m going to take a crap.” This is an homage to the invention of the tool that we use everyday noting that nary a one of us wishes to go back to the old ways. Everyday, perhaps just before or after we honor this English plumber, we look into the mirror to determine how wonderful and beautiful we are. Yet, we still call this tool a mirror. From this day forth, I charge you all, to announce your dedication of honor to its inventor, and call this device a Lie-Big. Your morning oath is now the phrase, “I’m going to look into the Lie-Big.” Will you join me in this endeavor? And, if you just can’t vote for either candidate, feel free to write-in a vote for the one fellow whose very name tells the truth about politics: Justus von Liebig.